Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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