Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
