Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
