Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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