Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
