we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
