My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
