Michael Bay diarrhea
Barsexuality is the new black.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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