i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
