fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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