dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
