actually, I'm a sock model
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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