is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
