So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You don't make any sense
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