just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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