the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
