Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
