im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
