I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
