NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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