The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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