Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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