Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
someone get that fucking seahorse.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
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