guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
