so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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