I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
