I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
