Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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