I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
