I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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