I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
