If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
