Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
