I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
