Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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