so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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