That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
