mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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