My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
