so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
