I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
