Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
