but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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