This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
