I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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