I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
