she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
