I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
