I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
