dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
